Sifting for Gold #3

How can you tell a comic will be just grand? When it is supporting soda products!

Racewarrior #3 (2000)
Custom Comics of America

This book has a cover! Let's talk about it. We have a car exploding in the background with two goblins watching on the hill above. Meanwhile, a boy who loves checkered patterns rides his Proffesor X wheel chair and mushroom cut into the darkness. What I gathered from this is that it was going to be a real tortoise and the hare story. I don't trust that dog... he knows something.

Tell me your secrets...

I would like to note that this is issue 3 of what was supposed to be 38 issues, however if you Google the Racewarrior comic series, you will find a total of 8 were published. 

I'd really like to touch on the douchy cast of villains, because they are all listed in the front/back cover with headshots. We've got Andwar "Andy" Gosolow, who has a doctoral in "Street Smarts" with some studies in "Meanies of Moscow". Next is Lube Jobb, who is an accomplished nurse/martial artist/mountain climber/cybertechnologist. Tyler "Ty Rod" Rodney Roberts is known for surviving the most wrecks in IRF history, and is "Driven to win!" We have Skippy Skidmark and Bubba Pothole, "first cousins born on the same day to two sisters married to two brothers," professional yes-men. Then rounding out the villainous cast is Reggie "Thrasher" Jones, who simply dislikes the world.

 

 


Okay so the story starts out with Marv Pittman who is test driving his car with a new driving suit which monitors body functions and send them back to a computer. It also allows him to boost the engine in his Sunkist sponsored car because... science. Oh my mistake, it's DIET Sunkist. So he finishes up and takes his kid, Speedy (future Professor Xavier), fishing. As people do, they get hungry so Speedy goes to fetch lunch from the car only discover that some d-bag dog started eating it!

Lunch consisted of grey juice, Nickelodean green slime, a drumstick, a small brick of cheese, and sooooooo much cardboard.

So the doctor who made the driving suit calls and says that Team Up (the baddies) have tried to sabotage the suit and want all of their secrets. This informative call is interrupted by Gosolow, who somehow found out where they were (probably Twitter... in the year 2000?), wants to recruit Marv to Team Up. Marv shuts him down and takes Speedy back to the track for more practice without eating lunch or catching a single fish (failures). It turns out that Team Up DID sabotage the suit, and when practicing racing, Marv gets kicked off the side of the track by Ty Rod (and his 7-UP car). On his descent, Marv ends up hitting...


After that this chick named Olivia, who owns the track, doesn't want Marv to race, because people are clearly gunning for him. Luckily though, the main pit crew fellow always gives her fruitcake, so she decides to be cool with it. So the next day rolls around and it's time to race and Marv is all "Wait... if I don't wear the racing suit then it can't be sabotaged." Therefore he wins the race. Gosolow gets pissed and has a mystery driver swerve into Marv's truck while he's driving Speedy and the dog to go fishing. Speedy and the dog somehow fall out of the car which saves them, especially the dog who is ENTIRELY uninjured. Speedy starts yelling for his dad and it's implied he didn't make it.

Then the words "The Present" appear in a narrative box and Speedy is in a wheelchair. THE END! Oh yeah and after the main story there is a spotlight on professional "Racewarrior" Mark Martin and his son, Matt. This is getting heavy... hopefully this photo of a man clearly only eating hamburger buns will help.


Allllriiiiiight art! The art is a lot like the other comics that came out clearly to advertise for products and events. In other words, it's fine, and it gets the story across, but it feels a little cheap and rushed, character figures don't always match (see the villains), and colors are kind of goofed at time. 

I mean c'mon though! It's called Racewarrior! It's sponsored by 7-UP! 

If I were to pick one panel to sum up this issue, it'd have to be:




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